Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Tomorrow is Thursday. THE Thursday.

Tomorrow we are finally taking Taylor to the urologist to find out what can be done for her urinary reflux. I'm nervous. This whole week has been tough. I had a monsterous meltdown on Sunday. I had reached the breaking point that I hope all moms do at some point and not just me and I just let it all out. Unfortunately, it all went flying right at my poor, unsuspecting husband. It turned into a huge tit-for-tat argument over who has it worse and who gets more time for themselves and whether or not everything is 'equal' or 'fair'. HA! In the end, I came to the conclusion that it was probably that dumbassed balloon we all carry around with us and it popped. I was told by a friend of a friend who is a pysch major that the analogy for this phenomenom is we all carry around a balloon and when something happens that stresses us out or bothers us in some way, we take and blow a little into the balloon. Eventually the balloon gets fuller and fuller and fuller until it eventually pops. And most of the time it pops right in the face of someone you love. My poor husband. I still for the life of me don't understand why he sticks around. In my meltdown I ACTUALLY said "I can completely understand why people wait until their kids hit 18 and move out to get divorced!". Yeah. Ouch. In my defense, I was feeling like I gave up a lot of my freedoms when we had kids and that my husband doesn't notice let alone care. I later apologized. Anyway, this meltdown brought me to one conclusion: I need to realize that it's nobody else's fault that I can't organize my own life and manage my time a little better. So, my week started out with all this motivation and strive to 'get it together' and now, I'm stressing about Thursday. Tomorrow. The funny thing, I don't think anyone cares. Not even my husband. I think I'm the only one who is finding this all very significant and stressful. Oh well, that's my perogotive as a mother I suppose. I'm out.