Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Cris got upset with me today. Again. This has been happening a lot more lately. And I honestly think it's all unwarranted. All week last week he was out of town and it was going fine until Thursday when he didn't answer his phone at 9pm. I was upset because it's late and there is no reason why he shouldn't answer his phone. He finally called back an hour later and when I questioned him, he got all upset and raised his voice. Friday his parents came in for the girls' birthday party and he was supposed to be home at 6 and at 6:30 I called to see when we could expect him and I got a "fuck honey! what do you want me to tell you?!" Then today I called because our car is feeling like it's on the verge of breaking down and he tells me to take the car in and I'm trying to tell him that the garage won't give me a rental until the following day and what am I supposed to do with the girls and two car seats and dr's appts tomorrow not to mention work...and he flips out. I don't know how much more I can take honestly

Monday, May 4, 2009

Confusing day....

Today was interesting. I woke up after very little sleep and it immediately sunk in that Cris is officially gone all week. If it were any other normal day he would be home that evening and I wouldn't feel so sad, but nobody ever said women think rationally. I got through the day and got an invite over to my second family's house for pizza and things started looking up. My friend gave me some great insight into men that calmed me down so when Cris called I was able to just be me and not heinous. Then he said I could finally get the snake I've been wanting forever! I couldn't believe it..he must really love me considering he is deathly afraid of snakes. We had a great conversation which is unusual for when he out of town because I get all upset and worked up and then ruin our time to talk so I really owe my friend for his advice. Overall, it was a good day and I'm about to go to bed without that feeling of dread like I normally would.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

My life is a double edged sword

I have a lot to be happy for. I have two beautiful daughters, Taylor doesn't have to have surgery, I have my health, a job, a house and a brand new beautiful car that I occasionally find myself staring at for no reason whatsoever. And that's all just the beginning. So, why in the hell do I focus on all the bad. It's not even that bad either, I just turn it that way. Cris worked today to get some overtime and ended up going out on a train derailment. HE says it shouldn't be more than a day or two, but just cause I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid. Even I know that trains that go flying off of their tracks take more than a day or two to clean up. The most dominating reason I know this was because the last one he cleaned up he was on that fucking job for over a month. So, even though he is on double time as I type this, I'm pissed off. I spent all day with a teething baby who screamed at me when she was tired of playing then screamed louder when I picked her up. She screamed when she was hungry and threw any food I set in front of her. And lets not mention the oldest who has taken up the habit of spending her free time and hell, her busy time too just yelling and making general annoying noises. I find myself wishing Monday would come faster so I can go to work and have silence, but it's not even quiet in there! And people used to ask me how I could stand working at my old shop after everyone left. HAHA They should all spend a freaking day at my house. I'm dreading tomorrow. It's Sunday and I'm going to be here all alone again. And nobody gives a flying rats ass either. That's really what makes me feel all alone in the world. Even when people know that I'm home alone and Cris is out of town, do they call? Nope. I guess everyone has things they actually stay busy with other than chasing a baby around because my husband geniously took out the wall partition that made it possible for me to put up a baby gate. And after a full day of this crap, I have to deal with kids who don't sleep all night long so when I wake up in the morning, I don't even feel rested. It's no wonder I want to run away. All I want is a few days to a week away in a hotel room. That's it. I wouldn't do anything other than watch instant movies on netflix and sleep. It would be quiet too. Hey Amanda, "how does it feel to want?"