Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Lets do this

I've decided to turn over a new leaf. Well, not even a new one. An old one. One that I've been hiding under for far too long now. And I'm excited. I know it isn't going to be easy and there will be days that have their setbacks. That's a given when you have spent the past, so many years, bottled up and pushed down. But, I'm excited. I liked who I once was. I just can't believe that I allowed myself to disappear.

I have, very recently, come to the conclusion that if I stay angry about the past few years that it is going to eat me alive. On one hand, it feels really good to be able to see what I had to deal with and live through. Not to mention, talk about it finally. But, I think I need to let it go and move on. The people around me don't need to hear about it anymore. I'm sure it reaches a point when they are thinking 'yea, life sucked. I get it.' And don't get me started on the anger. The disbelief. The bitterness. If I keep going at this rate, I will either snap or sink into a huge pit of despair. So, this is it. I'm turning over that old leaf and moving on.

I don't care what you do, who you do, or how you do it....have a great life. I have my freedom and my happiness. There isn't a damn thing that you, or anyone else for that matter, can do to take that away from me. I was once a happy, funny, carefree person who knew just who she was and LOVED it. I will no longer allow you to make me feel like I'm not good enough, not funny enough, and not pretty enough. I'm over you.

From this moment on, I am going to focus on my kids, my job, my schooling and my happiness. I'm going to do everything I can to appreciate each and every day that I have here on earth. Hell, if my mom could smile and laugh while wading through a pile of everyone else's shit, damn straight, so can I.