Tuesday, May 17, 2011

There's a difference between on giving up on someone, and realizing you deserve respect

This one is a bit different than usual.

For the past 8 months I have been through a whirlwind of shit. I had no idea the whole time how messed up I really was and how ridiculously unclear my thought process was. I had no idea where I was going or what I really wanted for my future. I had one person by my side the whole time who somehow knew what I was feeling and thinking and what to say to help me out of the fog. I'm still not quite sure why she still puts up with me, or how she hasn't gotten sick to death of dealing with my crap and drama, but she has really become a huge part of my life and a huge credit to where I am and the progress that I've made.

A little less than a year ago I think I was nearing a mental breakdown. I was living a life that made me miserable from the moment I woke up. My friend saw this and in her own amazing way took her time and patiently did what she needed in order for me to see what direction would be best suited for my sanity. She then saw me through a whole other ball of fucked up and stood by as I once again fell back into some miserable routine that I was willing to sacrifice myself for. It got to the point where I was avoiding her and pulling away because I was so focused on this terrible path I was headed down. But she wasn't the kind of friend who just turns away and takes it personal and disappears. She poked and prodded until I let her back in and then once again she slowly and patiently did what she needed in order for me to see things as they really were.

I find myself stopping myself at several points in my day and think to myself that I haven't been this happy in about 5 years. Thanks to my friend, I feel like me again. I feel like my identity is back and I have been found. I can see the decisions that I make rationally and with a clear head. I don't know if she fully understands what this means to me either. When I was younger, I knew just who I was and it made me happy to be me. I got married and was slowly changed into someone I wasn't. For the first time in a long time, I am living each day for me and my girls and it feels great. She has taught me to expect more from the people in my life and to put myself first. I hope she knows how much she means to me. I love you girlie. <3


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

If ignorance is bliss, I choose misery

ig·no·rance /ˈignərəns/
Noun: Lack of knowledge or information

To call someone a liar and judge them based off some story you have created in your mind just off of what you think you see, is ignorance at its best. I pity you.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Hypocrites of the world unite! Just check your morals at the door...

I'm a bit pissed off. Just a warning incase you don't feel like reading my tirade.

I have a few thoughts I can't get out of my head for one reason or another. First, if you let someone go, in that very moment you have no right or control over what they do anymore. No matter what may change in the near or distant future. You LET THEM GO. You stopping fighting for them. For what you had together. Even if they go and make bad decisions or not, its not your place to judge or condemn. Second, if you love someone, really truly LOVE someone who says they love you that much too, you need to believe what they tell you. Nothing will ever work otherwise. What do you really have if you disregard how your loved one says they feel? Nothing. You are doing nothing but telling them their feelings they are sharing mean nothing and you are going to just believe what you want. Third, if you give someone up for one or more reasons (because we all know there was A LOT more to it), don't change your story later just to induce guilt. It may work on outsiders who don't know the whole story and will offer their sympathy, but it just infuriates the one you are making out to be a liar. If its easier to play a victim and overlook any fault on your part, then so be it. But keep in mind the long term effects. And lastly, if you really wanted something from the depths of your soul, you would prove it. You would fight to the bitter end and wouldn't have been so quick to let go in the first place. You would let the little stuff go and make it a priority rather then seek sympathy and wallow in your false reality. Actions.

And for my next tirade: when in god's name did people gain the right to judge others?! Who the fuck do these people think they are to take a pious, high and mighty, holier than thou stance over someone else?! You don't know enough to even begin to form an opinion. You can't live your life the way you do with your shifty morals, non-existent values and questionable choices, all the while holding everyone up to standards you couldn't live up to if you tried. The next time you start to point that hypocritical finger of yours, go look in the fucking mirror and into your past. Stop for a minute and decide if you even have the moral ground to stand on to even have an opinion on the matter. I'm willing to bet you don't know shit on the matter and that the 'accused' hasn't even come close to sinking as low as you have. I am also willing to put my life on the fact that the judgement has never flowed the opposite direction each and everytime you fell from grace and stayed down there. Besides, there's nothing here for you to even judge. You're wasting your energy sopping up a false reality. But hey, run with it if that's what gets you through your shitty existence. I won't judge....

I'm gonna leave it at that. It feels great to know in my heart that I am a good person and no matter who tries to make me feel otherwise I will not be swayed. And just for the record, Ross was right.