Friday, June 17, 2011

Is it easier? Because I hate you now.

The other day it all of a sudden hit me how many people are walking out of my life. Not just a couple either. I have two friends moving away, a couple who have just decided I'm not worth their time or energy anymore for reasons unknown to myself. And my favorite of all, the ones who just plain write me off. And I mean OFF. Like 'Don't speak to me or call me or text me. Nothing'. The interesting part about losing a friend in this manner is that you mourn them almost like a death. At first it's not that serious and you almost don' t believe it. Then you get defensive. You can't help but come up with numerous explanations in your mind as to how they justify doing this to you. With every scenario you can muster, you come up with a defense and explanation. And not a repentant explanation either. You get pissed and incredulous. Oh and I'm incredulous. Far from repentant. This could probably be attributed to the fact that these people have no grounds to stand on. They want to point their finger and blame and judge and blame some more and take absolutely no accountability for their own actions. And we all know what Hayley Williams says about pointing fingers...but I digress...They don't for one second stop and think that they have done the exact same thing in the not-so-distant past. But, here is my take on that whole thing: What kind of friend were they to begin with? If they can point the finger at someone for the same exact things that they themselves were once or currently are guilty for and I never pointed a single appendage in their direction, then they aren't the type of friend anyone needs in their life. They are only perpetuating the problem. If you can completely write someone out of your life over something that you have done to them, then what does that say about you? That you actually hold yourself at a higher level then you ever considered them. So in that case, it's probably for the best. So, here I am stuck in the anger stage of this so-called mourning. I don't think I can even fake the 'bargaining' or 'depression' stages. I'll probably just move right into 'acceptance' and get on with my life. But for now, I'm incredulous and angry. And yes, I hate you now. Congratulations, you got your wish. Enjoy your life.

It didn't take long for me to stop and realize that I actually have a lot of new friends coming into my life and I feel fulfilled. It's amazing the turns your life can take when you change your path by the slightest angle. It's almost a renewing sense of cleansing the crap out and starting fresh. And I'm excited.