I don't know if you still read this. I like to think that you do. I remember you always telling me that my entries were always so depressing. But then again, you knew why they were. You knew a lot about me. More than anyone else. That's why I'm writing this. Other than my mom, you were the only other person I ever had to talk to about anything and everything. And you know this...that's why you yourself said that us being friends has meant a lot to both of us and we have seen each other through a lot of tough times. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have survived that first week back to work after my mom died. Calling you in between clients just to cry it out and talk to you really kept me grounded. Even when my whole world started to fall apart, you just listened and cracked your little jokes to make me stop worrying. But, what I liked most was when the rare occasions that things were great, I could always call and you would actually, listen. You cared. You always gave the best advise too. Even when the subject was a bit 'off color', you treated it like it was serious and never once made me feel stupid or naive.
I'll get to the point.
I'm happy. Things are spectacular. I have stuff I want to talk to my old friend about, and I can't. I have days, many days, where I find myself almost dialing up my mom so I can tell her all the amazing things I want to share with someone but when I can't, you are the next thing I always had. Now, I don't even have you. I feel like I'm surviving another eternal loss.
I want to tell you that I've found someone. Someone great. That I feel safe in falling again, and he said he will catch me. I want you to tease me about it. I'm writing this in hopes that you still read this so I can tell you that it's safe. That the friendship that meant the world, at least for me and I hope for you, is missed dearly. I just don't think it should be this easy to turn your back on 12 years. 12 years later we became the kind of friends that could pick right back up no matter what was going on or how busy we had become. That's all I want. I want my confidant back.