Sunday, May 5, 2013

To the one that "got away"...

It's been almost three years, and I still can't believe that you can't let the past go. I can't seem to understand why you are holding onto it. We weren't happy. Not in the least bit. Any couple that fights almost every single day isn't happy. You never truly loved me...not like a good man does. You never cared whether the things you said or did made me happy or sad. Nothing that you were doing was something I could support. You were working toward a future in a job and with a company that I still believe is for a single man or a cheater. There is no way you can ever have a happy life with anyone in a job like that...and for all those coworkers that you claim have happy marriages and content wives: There is more behind the scenes that you know of. Regardless...it's not a life I would ever want. EVER.

I am now in a relationship that is so beyond perfect, it's almost indescribable. But, I'm going to try anyway. We have never been in a fight. Never. I HATE FIGHTING. If you knew me in the slightest, you would know this. I avoid it in any way that I can. Bryan and I may have had maybe a couple disagreements, but we actually talk them out and move on. It's such a nice change from the arguing and the maliciousness. In fact, the only person I fight with anymore is...you. And I hate it. I avoid it still, which in turn causes me to just give in half the time and not fight my cause. I'm almost positive that you know this too and exploit it. In any case, I'm happy. I have a relationship with a man who makes me feel important every single day. Nothing that I feel or want is treated as unsubstantial in any way. My opinions carry true value and are treated with the upmost respect. That's what someone who loves you does: They take your feelings and opinions into consideration and RESPECT them. Whether they agree or not, they understand that it's a real feeling coming from the person that they LOVE. This in no way means that his feelings or opinions go by the wayside. I know that he isn't the same person as me and doesn't have the same thoughts and feelings as I do. We meet in the middle and make sure that the other is as happy as possible. And believe me, I don't think either of us has a single complaint.

This brings me to what I've been telling many friends lately....If someone loves you, really loves you, or even cares for you, they will not say mean things to you. They won't actively TRY to hurt you emotionally. They will not plot to hit you in the heart with their malicious statements. You told me years ago that you used to plan all the things that you would throw into your ex's face when she would complain to you about something you did. That should've been a red flag for me. (Then again, I had MANY red flags I chose to ignore) I can see that you still do this with me. Unfortunately, I don't buy into it. So, feel free to stop.

This leads me to my point:

I am a good mother. STOP leading me and others to believe otherwise. I am a good person. STOP degrading me as a human being. I have completely let you AND my past go, so do the same and move on. We unfortunately have to continue to co-parent our children, and that should be your focus...

...and on a side note, the fact that you still try to hurt me says more about you than it does about me. You KNOW that you being close to my father and his wife hurts my feelings. And you know that you being able to do more for my children monetarily than I can stings. But riddle me this: WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HURT ME?? Do you not realize that I have learned that a father like mine who can turn his back on his daughter like he has done to me is not a person I want in my life? Have you not realized that when I look back on my childhood, that I respect my mom so much more because of what she was able to do for my sister and I with what little money she had?? She gave me memories that no amount of money can take away.

The truth of the matter remains...

YOU CAN'T HURT ME ANYMORE.