Wednesday, July 17, 2013

I've Got A Riddle For You...

What do you call a father who stops speaking to his daughter because he mistakenly thinks she is a bad parent??

A fucking hypocrite.

A father, sees a child who looks a little worse for wear and assumes that the mother lets her children 'go without'. In turn, he stops speaking to her.

Wait. Just let that sink in...

He thinks she's a bad mother, so he writes her off. Completely. He's her last surviving parent, and he disowns her.

Ya, I was confused too. But, I was even more confused for the last year and a half because I didn't even know the reason why my own father stopped speaking to me and buddied up to my ex-husband. Can you imagine the conversations I've had?:

"How's your dad?"
"I don't know. He doesn't speak to me anymore."
"Why not?!"
"Ummmmm. I don't know."

Ya, I'm sure people were thinking all sorts of things. But then again, I was too. I started off confused. Then I was hurt. Then I was just indifferent. Now I'm fucking angry. (Are those the steps of mourning? In order? How many more do I have to go??) Ya I was so angry, I called him last week. Don't know what happened, but I was thinking about how messed up it was that he could do this to me, and then 'Father of Mine' by Everclear came on (and anyone who knows me knows what that song does and means to me), and when it was over, I reached over, grabbed the phone and dialed his number. I couldn't believe he answered. Let me fill you in on the riveting ice breaker:

"Dad, do you have a minute?"
"Did you ever get my letter?"
"And did you feel I didn't deserve a response?"
"Nope. Figured if that was the way you felt, then to Hell with you"

Yup. To Hell with me. "To Hell with you". My father said that to me about my feelings. So what happened next you wonder?? I saw red. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I'm demure and somewhat of a wussy when it comes to confrontation. I will avoid conflict and tension like the plague. ESPECIALLY when it comes to my father. But for some unknown reason, I went ballistic. I then demanded answers on why he wrote me off and when he gave me vague answers about how I "live my life" and "the choices that I've made", I demanded concrete examples. The best he could come up with was the fact that I've owned a lot of vehicles. Honest. I almost laughed into the phone. Somewhere along the lines, I missed the parenting tip that said if your children owns in excess of a certain number of vehicles, then you are to stop speaking to them immediately. His next example (because of course that one stupid one just wasn't going to suffice with me) was that at the Christmas recital almost 2 years ago, Eve looked like she "just rolled out of bed" and so he came to the conclusion that I let my children "go without". I 'kindly' filled him in on the fact that her father dressed her that day and that it's no new thing for them to look like that coming from his house. And then the conversation went nowhere from there really. All in all, I got a lot of stuff off my chest about how he puts his wife above his kids and how unfortunate it is for him that he's missed out on seeing his daughter happy and building an amazing life that she's always wanted.

Now I can answer the questions about why my own father doesn't speak to me and I can enjoy the follow-up laughter. I also now know that I took all the steps that I feel is necessary on my part, and nothing will have been left for me to question when he's no longer around to ask.

So, to sum things up....

I guess if my children EVER allow my grandkids to leave the house in anything but spotless clothes and a perfectly coiffed updo, I should call child protective services and cease contact with my child immediately. Right dad?

To Hell with me? Fine... But save me a seat.